Cringe! Cringe! Cringe!

That's what I'm doing as I sit here reviewing the last few chapters of the original draft of my book to refresh my memory while I finish my latest draft. What I'm looking at now was written a little over a year ago, it feels like a lifetime ago, and WOW-I can not believe how much I sucked. Seriously! How on earth were people able to encourage me? It's really that bad, I'm not lying, or exagerating and I know I do that sometimes, but this time I'm not-really, I swear.

All I have to say is THANK GOD for my critique group, and for books about writing, and for writing classes and great teachers like Gretchen Haertsch and Richard Wertime, and especially thank you for the fact that practice really does make perfect.

Things I've learned from looking at my old crap!
1) Writers really do get better with age
2) Writing the story the EXACT way you want it cannot fail. Trying to fit your writing into something it's not does FAIL
3) I should NEVER EVER EVER try to write middle grade again (this is what I started with-but I'm really much more of a YA person)
4) I should NEVER EVER EVER try to write in 3rd person. Ew it makes me want to vomit now looking at it.
5)Well um...I'll get back to you on that, but a list of 4 things felt incomplete.

Anyway I haven't written anything yet today. Now that I've gone back to look at the old old stuff, which in it's skeletal form I was planning to still use, I'm feeling a little stuck and a little like...well, is this really what I want? I wrote this crap 2 years ago-can I come up with something better? Or this going to be a situation where it's all about the execution (as in how I do it, not like killing something).

Ugh! Im so close to finish line...I just hope I cross the end with a worthy performance. I'm going to ponder for a little bit and let things simmer in my brain.