Oh Hai front passenger side Tire, you're acting rather funky this afternoon. What's that you say? Squissssh? Whooooosh? EEEEEEEEAAARRRR! Ok look Tire, I can't translate your wierd super secret tire language-speak English.
OMG! You're flat! What? Why are you flat? What did you do? You got a nail stuck in you? Well how responsible was that? I mean, really, Tire, didn't I teach you to look out for those things? What? You say I'm the one who drove over it? That it was my fault? Psssh! Tire, you're the one with a nail stuck in you, ok? I'd say this is your fault!
Ok fine, possibly it is the steering wheel's fault. I mean he's the boss of you. No, I'm not the boss of him, I just guide him, we're more like buddies, best friends, bffs- he just always does what I tell him to do. No that's not a one way relationship, we have lots of respect for each other...Don't think you can smart talk your way out of this. I'm supposed to be at work now and you're kind of putting a damper on my day.
Yeah I know my jacket is awesome, but flattery will get you nowhere, so unless you're talking about reinflating yourself, I say it's quiet time for you.
A few hours later at the tire store...
I'm sorry Tire, but I have to replace you. Yes, I'm leaving you alone here with these strange men. As far as I can tell they are very nice. They have lots of other broken tires here for you to play with. Don't worry you'll be happy. Yes, I'm telling you the truth.
What's that? No...I didn't just order a new one. Ok I did. Sorry. Really sorry. It was nice knowing you. (tear). Have fun with the other tires.
A few more hours later back at home. Oh Hai printer...how are YOU feeling today...